Health and Sex The truth about marriage: What no one tells you.
6 things to tell couples wedding surprise for "Yes".
If you decide to get married, you may think you know your partner well. After all, we are best friends, who were prepared to spend the rest of their lives together.
But married life often proves to be full of disappointments and unexpected pleasures.
"People are surprised to see that even in this intimate relationship, there is much to discover," says Kim Lundholm-Eades, MS, a marriage and family therapist and co-owner of the Center Life Ministry in Centerville, Minnesota, "The Spirit n '. Spock .. merger, between a pair just because they are married. "
This is what the researchers Marital therapists and couples, what most people end up surprisingly told to tie the knot.
You need to sweat the small stuff.
"Many couples say that what surprised her most, marriage is that you really do with things that are irritants that the opposite of what you hear is deal in the media about you let the little things" said Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., author of 5 Simple Steps to take your marriage from good to excellent and a research professor at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research.
For 24 years, called Orbuch 373 couples followed for a long-term study project Early marriage. Through interviews and questionnaires, reported couple small irritations - have lead to major problems if they do not talk about it - as never before loading the dishwasher or always late for a movie.
"It is very important to think about what attracts you to a non-threatening and engaging talk" Orbuch tells. "Do not let these things fester."
Their families are more important than you think.
Once you had a party with their little future in-laws, you may feel that you know how to negotiate your relationship with them. But it can be surprisingly difficult.
"The hardest part of my wedding had to do with our families," Michelle, 31, a writer from New York married for six years, tells WebMD in an email. She asked that her last name not be published.
"For example, my in-laws instant intimacy," says Michelle. "They treat me like the daughter she never had. But I feel it. A bit of a joke, to be me. Besides, I think might be sick at the outset that I do not change my name"
But Michelle was surprised pleasantly surprised by the effect of her husband's family. "It acts as a buffer in family dinners and his presence makes everyone behaves better," he said. "My parents really love and feel comfortable with him."
Some people are, like their marriage is surprised as his parents' marriage.
"Couples often underestimate the role that the family history of every single game," says Lundholm-Eades. "You swear that their marriage will be different from their parents' marriage, and then are shocked and by the similarities can often argue appalled Finance, for example, or fails to make assumptions about the distribution of the household -. Alike their parents , "they said.
His marriage requires juggling more than expected.
"This may seem obvious, but there are twice as much as you, if you are married spend: all the emotional ups and downs, successes and concerns in the workplace, medical problems, family responsibilities and conflicts Holidays - all twice," David, 36, a strategist in New York who have been married for five years, in an email to WebMD. He asked that his name not be published.
"Sharing makes a deeper relationship. But it's amazing how this duplication is both rewarding and taxing more," says David.
Orbuch says couples who do not know when they were married for the first time studied, the life has become so busy and stressful that sometimes put their relationship on the back burner. "The roles and responsibilities you take, the less you can give one of them," he said.
Couples said he learned to try to make to talk about something other than children, work or home maintenance. Could return, even if they are stressed regularly about other important things, like feelings, goals and dreams for the future.
Compliments are essential.
Experts say that they were surprised to learn the importance of insurance for long-term happiness with your spouse and celebrate their successes.
"Looking for ways to inspire the success of your partner," says Arthur Aron, PhD, a professor of social psychology at Stony Brook University. "It really strengthens the relationship. Research and shows that it is important to support your partner when things go wrong."
"We found that it is very important if you think your partner often feel special, pampered and feel loved," says Orbuch. "You can do this by taking their partner to do, thanking them for helping around the house, or say simple things like," I would still choose if I had to "start from scratch, he said.
A good marriage does not necessarily make you happy or solve your problems.
After the excitement of the creation of the house and get married, Michelle said she was surprised to feel the frustration forever.
"I was always satisfied with my work, and I still had the same tension and emotional baggage," she said. "I did not know that even with a relationship that made me happy, I still had to work on other parts of my life. Being in love and the love of someone who is not my problems disappear."
In addition, Aron asked that sometimes people are unhappy with their marriage, when the real problem is that they are depressed or. Other problems in your life
If you are not satisfied with your relationship, it says makes sense to see what happens the rest of your life. "You can always find excuses for what the other is doing, if you feel sick," said Aron.
You'll be surprised what you can get to be on the other.
"The fact that we survived many difficult situations, and somehow pass the other this is something to amaze me still." Said Patrick, a father of 37, Vermont, who was married for 6 years WebMD in an email He asked that his name not be published. "We had some very difficult situations, such as in medical school and have a child together."
You drive through a particularly difficult situation together, things can put that into perspective, says David Halper, MA, a marriage and family therapist and co-owner of Life Ministry Center in Centerville, Minnesota
"As a major problem because it is a serious illness, couples often find that the differences that seemed so important really trivial," says Halper. "And this new perspective, the catalyst for a positive relationship aware of what to be focused on the couple really appreciate."
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